When you put together a couple where one had never really had a long term relationship and the other was fresh out of a divorce, it is inevitable that there will be some issues. When you haven't had a long term relationship, its probably one of two things; you are scared of a long term relationship or you scare them away with coming on too strong. It was the later for me and the tendency for a person who has been divorced is to not get to close to anyone. Especially when it hasn't even been a year since the divorce.
Consequently, we had really good times, where I was probably coming on too strong. And we had our times where she was pulling away, which who could blame her.
Through our ups and downs, my relationship with the kids continued to grow. Instead of loving just one person, I had to deal with loving three, which was a lot for a person that had never loved anyone else.
Having the kids in the equation made the courtship harder in many ways. The first was being able to know how to help Jessica out as much as I could with being a single parent. My fall back was buying things for her and the kids, but I tried to help out in other ways as well... which meant changing diapers and wiping butts once she got comfortable enough with me around her kids! I felt some pressure to help, but never from Jessica, just because I wanted to be everything she had never had.
The second difficult thing about having the kids was time. Every other weekend, the kids would be gone to their dad's house so it was nice to have that opportunity for alone time. But Jessica was trying to figure out what she wanted from her life, so a lot of those weekends were spent partying with her friends. This was hard for me as I was out of the partying scene and wanted just her and I time. The weekends she had the kids, we would hang out and so I got to spend time with three of my favorite people!
All these things, brought us to a point where I would grow tremendously for about two months. We decided to take a break from dating each other. It was very hard for me. Not being able to see her as much and feeling like we had such a good thing going. But also, not seeing the kids was difficult. I had grown to develop a relationship with the kids that it was hard not knowing what they were up to. Not being able to see them grow... etc...
Why? Why couldn't she see how awesome things were when we were together? I loved her. She loved me. The kids loved me. Wasn't it that simple?
No, it wasn't. Jessica had to grow up and mature and figure out what she wanted for her life. But, I had as much growing up to do as she did. I didn't know if we would ever get back together, but I took that opportunity to grow spiritually and personally.
Looking back, I truly believe that if we had stayed together, some of our underlying issues would have torn us apart. But since we were able to grow apart from each other and develop as individuals, we were much more prepared to face the issues we would face. Now I thank God everyday that I took that chance to open my heart to a single mom with two kids.
So awesome!
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